Things aren't always as they seem. People always assume since I am a generally warm, friendly person that I have all the confidence in the world. It's totally not the case. This weekend is my 40th class reunion. And although I really wanted to come I had moments of panic about it. My closest friend from high school was not coming but several other close friends were so I messaged one of them to give me a ride and walk in with me.
I have a very difficult time walking into a group of people. I only have this problem if I actually know the people and I feel they all have their own friends with whom they are visiting. I don't want to push in and there is still that prevalent feeling of the possibility of rejection. Once there, I am usually fine.
Yes, it's true.
When I was in high school I was a student leader, ASB officer and by most standards fairly popular. But I hid out at lunch time because I wasn't sure who to have lunch with and my closest friend had a boyfriend. This will be a shock to fellow classmates. What? Nicki? She was so popular and friendly.
And I repeat, things aren't always what they seem. Last night as many of my classmates were asking about the upcoming release of my book Not Really A Princess, I explained briefly what it is about. Some of this has to do with what life dealt me at home during the high school years. They were shocked and surprised that they never knew what was going on at home.
I think we assume so much about others around us. We "think" they have it all together and make swift judgements. They may have it all together but most likely they too have hurts, struggles and skeletons in their closet.
My hope and prayer is that I would try my hardest to not judge them but see through to who they really are and perhaps, just maybe, I might offer some sort of encouragement to them. The main reason for writing my book is to share my own story and hardship so that it can show others how to turn the page on bitterness, fear, self-doubt and to push on to become someone who thinks of others first.
So tonight, at the second night of our reunion I hope to walk in to see how I can give a kind smile to whomever needs it and a listening ear to someone hurting. I hope to not be so self-centered and scared but be all that God has intended in this life He has given me.